The Truth. The Whole Truth. And Nothing But The Truth.
Raccoon Mario vs. Cape Mario: The Mighty Mog Speaks
Well, Torbox, it looks like the debate may be over once and for all.
I'm sure you're all familiar with the vulgar, childish argument being waged between myself and the well-meaning-but hopelessly-wrong blogger indicated above. You see, young Torbox thinks that Mario's Feather/Cape power-up is superior to his Leaf/Raccoon power-up; that, of course, is wrong, but try as I might to help him see the error of his ways, he refuses to listen to reason. What's worse, dear friends, is that he has resorted to pure and utter lies to argue his point. (How ironic that the very name of his post is "Lies Lies Lies." ) Yes, Torbox, your command of the English language is most impressive, and you wield it with such skill that you almost charm the reader's mind away from reason; you almost, by dint of the power of your breathless prose, succeeded in deceiving us all.
But I shall take the higher road, and ignore these indignities I've suffered. The aspersions cast at me leave their wounds, but they are scars that I shall wear with pride. For the wounds we suffer in service of the truth are badges of honour.
Chris Mogensen is, like me, a seeker of truth. Mog, as he is known throughout the halls of NSCC, is a wise teacher, one of the great IT Sensei, Master of the Five Point PalmOS Exploding Kernel Technique. He is a man respected by all, a man whose booming voice brings silence to the chattering flock, whose wisdom holds sway in our schools' courts of opinion. Torbox, I'm sure you'd agree in my assessment of Mog, would you not? He is a man whose words hold real weight. He is not a man to be trifled with or summarily dismissed.
I was sitting in the cafeteria today with a bunch of friends and, naturally, talk turned to Torbox's inflammatory blog post, and what I thought about it. Curiously, Torbox himself had decided to leave immediately after our First Year Project Management meeting, and was nowhere to be found to explain his words. I simply stated what I knew to be true - that Raccoon Mario is better than Cape Mario. End of story. Our friend Brandon - who is kind of just a shit-disturber anyway - decides, for some reason, to take the position that Cape Mario was better, arguing that the dive-bomb and gliding abilities make the Cape a superior power-up to the Leaf. I tried to explain to him that, in fact, the gliding is a broken feature that renders level design pointless, as you can simply "take off" and rock back and forth all the way to end of the level, effectively bypassing the whole level and defeating the entire point of why we play Mario games in the first place. And the dive-bomb? Please. Does anyone actually use that crappy feature? No, because they're too busy gliding like a frigging parachute to the end of the level. So what's the advantage of the cape again?
But I digress. Brandon and I are debating this point, when who should come up to our table but the Mighty Mog himself. Mog! I thought. If there is ANYONE who can bring sanity to this debate, it would be him.
"Mog! Mog! Can I ask you something?"
"But of course, ask away."
"You've played Mario 3, right?"
(Mog nods affirmatively, as one eyebrow makes its ascent up his forehead.)
"And you've played Mario World, right?"
(Mogs nods again, slowly, waiting for the penny to drop.)
"So which is the superior Mario: Raccoon Mario, or Cape Mario?"
Mog considered the question for the briefest of moments - as if to ascertain why we'd even bothered to ask him such an obvious question - and then said, "Well, Raccoon Mario, of course."
Cue predictable n00b protest. Mog sat down, muttering to himself, "Well, I liked the Hammer Bros. suit too...." while the sputtering chorus of "But, but"s proceeded from the mouths of the officially PWNED. The protest which was quickly quelled by a simple question: "You do know that Mario 3 is quite possibly the best game ever made, right?"
Right?
Torbox, have we not spilled enough digital ink on this senseless topic? Will you allow yourself to listen to reason? Or, if not reason, the wisdom of Mogensen? If you still remain unconvinced, here's my last offering to you. Gaze upon the history of Mario Games (shamelessly taken from this blog via a Google search), and study the power-up sets for Mario 3 vs. Mario World. You will see, someday, if you look with unclouded eyes, that Mario 3's power-ups are FAR superior to Mario World's power-ups. Once you realize that, I'm confident you'll also see that the Raccoon is also the Cape's superior.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey towards this inexorable truth. Godspeed.
Also, Mainstream Films I Like (IMBC Fodder)
I like all kinds of mainstream films, but - to borrow a term from mainstream cinema - let's cut to the chase, shall we? There is only one name that matters in mainstream cinema:
Independence Day and MIB had it right. You want to beat back the alien scum? You get WILL SMITH to do it. Star Wars was good and everything, but no Will Smith as Luke Skywalker = FAIL. And if you're gonna be all like, "Well, Will Smith was 9 years old when Star Wars was released; not only was he too young, but he wasn't even famous then," I'm gonna have to ask you, straight up: DO you really think that's any kind of excuse?
I thoroughly enjoyed I Am Legend - saw it with Torbox around Christmas break. It's one the few movies I've seen where I thought, "Wow, that alternate ending probably was the way to go." I think you could make a similar case for 28 Days Later, an excellent maintsream film that also would have been improved with Will Smith's presence.
I think it's about time for homework now.
Comments
THIS IS WHY HE IS SUPERIOR.
ALSO, UNICORNS ARE COOL.
UNICORNS?!?!?! Dude - is that, like, supposed to secure your reputation as an arbiter of cool?!?!? :P
In all seriousness, however, I always liked the physical connection between each tap of the button and each flap of the raccoon tail. I feel like I have more direct control over Mario.