The Latest Cape-Lover Propaganda

The war so far.....

An Unintended Declaration of War. (It's at the very end. One line.)
Torbox's First Assault on the Truth.
A Hastily Thrown Together Reply to the First Attack, Which I Somewhat Regret.  (Also at the very end. And I'm sorry.)
OldManLever's First Coherent Response, and an Appeal to an Agreed Authority.
Further Deceptions and Shocking Betrayals.

Cape Vs. Raccoon - The Fight of the Century

Some people truly have no shame. They just need to be right so badly  that they're willing to create complete and utter fabrications to support their claims. They are willing to distort reality to shape their own ends - they Ctrl-X and Ctrl-V the truth into a perspective that brings into focus only what they want you to see, leaving out the crucial bits .that give a complete perspective.

The Grand Conspirator (Happy Birthday btw)

In his futile bid to wrest the Leaf from its honoured position as the greatest Mario power-up, Torbox has begun to concoct a conspiracy theory so vast (and unfortunately so outlandish) that it manges, somehow, to drag Sonic into all of this. Oh, right. This is all obviously a plot by.....Dr. Robotnik. He's mad because - what was it again, let me go read it real quick...

...right, that's it: he has an inferiority complex towards Mario, because Sonic got invited to Brawl and Robotnik didn't, so now Robotnik is a second-class game villain threatened with the prospect of extinction, and to stave off the encroaching shadow of obscurity, thrown up by such colossal efforts as Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, he decides to....

....enlist me as his lieutenant to start turning people like our beloved Mog into cybor....no, androids....so that we'll go around and tell everybody that Raccoon Mario, which will make all the emo kids cry and then everyone will hate Mario and cut themselves, and then Sonic will be the platforming king, and then Robotnik is Archnemesis Numero Uno FOR ALL TIME.

Is that about right, Tor? I think that's the basic gist of your theory. OK. Cool, now that we've reviewed your theory, let's take a look at the evidence you put forth to support your case. First off, you..........

Oh, wait.....

That's right, you didn't provide any evidence. You just decided that Mog couldn't possibly have liked Raccoon Mario more, so therefore it must have to do with Sega's mascot and a bunch of cybor...no, androids.

So, Pat, did you decide on this story before or after we talked on MSN? You know, remember that conversation we had where you misprepresented me?

The Messenger Files: Full Transcript

Torbox, I admire you. Your cleverness makes you indeed a worthy adversary. It was a veritable coup d'etat to publish that picture of our private MSN conversation and twist is meaning so as to lend the thinnest of credibility to your story. You get to say, "Sure I know it sounds crazy, but look, he admitted to it." Pretty sneaky.

The problem, Torbox, is that you, like all evil villains, have an incurable desire to monologue. Monologuing is pretty much the number one reason why evil will never win. From Wikipedia's entry on monologuing:

Also known as the villain speech, monologuing is a common fiction cliché in which the villain of the story will take a

"Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to listen while I talk"

moment to gloat in front of the hero, who the villain believes will soon meet his demise. Commonly used in conjunction with the deathtrap, fictional villains have a habit of pontificating on how said victim will soon die, and reminiscing over how he tried for so long to get his kill and is now about to reap the reward. Villains may also give away details of their evil plots, on the rationale that the victim will die immediately. This speech almost always results in giving the hero time to escape the trap, providing the protagonist critical information he needs to defeat the villain, or filling in plot background that has not yet been revealed to the audience. This idea suffuses comic book plotting in all genres of film and theatre.

Torbox and I were chatting on MSN about the blogs, and Pat told me he'd be posting pretty much right after midnight with some new developments in the Cape/Raccoon Debate. (Did he ever.) I thought I'd tease him a little and accuse him of cheating, which of course he wasn't. What follows then is a more complete transcript of the conversation where claims that I admitted I was an android.

Androidgate - The Full Transcript

Now, I admit, you didn't really "monologue" here. You saved that for your blog post.

But you just couldn't help but tell me you were gonna do a screen capture of our conversation! That's all I needed to hear to realize that I'd need a copy of this conversation myself, just in case you did what you ended up doing.

See, in the real conversation, it's clear that I was blissfully unaware that he was trying to set me up for an android confession - just a line or two to cut out and paste to a blog. And you know what? If he hadn't have said anything, I never would have saved the conversation myself - and he might have gotten away with it.

But he just had to sneak in a little micro-monologue, a one-line, gloating speech of victory that ultimately proved to be his downfall. Your deceitful edit is exposed for the trickery it is.


So I ask you, Torbox, WHERE IS THE PROOF???  What do have to back up these allegations of a Robotnik/ Android/ OldManLever conspiracy? I'm waiting to see something.


Oh, and Christine really enjoyed the grilled cheese sandwich too.



"Both are valued classmates, and I respect very deeply their sense of right in these dark dark times."


Remember writing this, Torbox? You wrote this in praise of Scott Harvey and Anthony Legere, when you quoted them in your cause against the truth. Let's take a look again at what Harv and Legger had to say, shall we?

These guys should be deeply respected for their sense of right

OK, let's start with you, Anthony. That quote - wow, it was sooooo well written. I didn't know you could write that well! It's so....so literary!

Google search (with epic Torbox search result!)

Huhn. The Doors of Perception, by Aldous Huxley, lets take a look at that.....

Where Legger gets his fantastic quotes from - MESCALIN USERS

POSSIBLE MESCALIN USER

I apologize, dear friends, for the size of the images. I assure you if you click on them, and click them again, the quotaions will be quite legible. And it will become clear to you that Anthony stole his entire quote from a line in The Doors of Perception.

So Pat, this is the kind of person whose sense of value you deeply respect? Someone who take the words of someone else and pass them off as his own? In an attempt to defame me, just for the fun of it? I confronted Anthony with this irrefutable evidence today, and he said that the only reason he hasn't given me a quote against you is because I haven't asked yet.

That's some sense of right there to be respected in these dark times.

And Harv....you, your cut goes deepest. I thought I really could trust you - I really thought I knew you, but as it turns out, I didn't. I thought you were a man who stood up for truth and loyalty and honour. But judging by the conversation we had on MSN a few nights ago, it looks like I had you all wrong.

Here's the REAL Scott Harvey:

Scott obviously CANNOT be trusted

Like Nick Cage in Lord of War. This guy is working both sides of the game, just to get ahead and see some action in

Scott Harvey's sense of right

So that's it, Tor? Is that all you got? Because all I see here is a whole lotta nothing. I don't think your "case" can be any more thoroughly discredited. Let's see some hard evidence of these conspiracy theories.

You know, I went to go and check out the YTMND of the Week again today....only to find out that the creator of the site has updated the background image to something he/she obviously felt was superior. What a deliciously perfect turn of events.

YTMND of the Week - UPDATE

And Happy Birthday, man! I hope you have a good one. I'm sure with your new haircut, the ladies will all be taking a swipe at ya.

IMBC Moment: Your Blog As Written by your favorite Fictional Character

Gordon_Freeman

Raccoon Mario vs. Cape Mario: The Mighty Mog Speaks

Well, Torbox, it looks like the debate may be over once and for all.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the vulgar, childish argument being waged between myself and the well-meaning-but hopelessly-wrong blogger indicated above. You see, young Torbox thinks that Mario's Feather/Cape power-up is superior to his Leaf/Raccoon power-up; that, of course, is wrong, but try as I might to help him see the error of his ways, he refuses to listen to reason. What's worse, dear friends, is that he has resorted to pure and utter lies to argue his point. (How ironic that the very name of his post is "Lies Lies Lies." ) Yes, Torbox, your command of the English language is most impressive, and you wield it with such skill that you almost charm the reader's mind away from reason; you almost, by dint of the power of your breathless prose, succeeded in deceiving us all.

Oh. My. God.

But I shall take the higher road, and ignore these indignities I've suffered. The aspersions cast at me  leave their wounds, but they are scars that I shall wear with pride. For the wounds we suffer in service of the truth are badges of honour.

Chris Mogensen is, like me, a seeker of truth. Mog, as he is known throughout the halls of NSCC, is a wise teacher, one of the great IT Sensei, Master of the Five Point PalmOS Exploding Kernel Technique. He is a man respected by all, a man whose booming voice brings silence to the chattering flock, whose wisdom holds sway in our schools' courts of opinion. Torbox, I'm sure you'd agree in my assessment of Mog, would you not? He is a man whose words hold real weight. He is not a man to be trifled with or summarily dismissed.

The Mighty Mog

I was sitting in the cafeteria today with a bunch of friends and, naturally, talk turned to Torbox's inflammatory blog post, and what I thought about it. Curiously, Torbox himself had decided to leave immediately after our First Year Project Management meeting, and was nowhere to be found to explain his words. I simply stated what I knew to be true - that Raccoon Mario is better than Cape Mario. End of story. Our friend Brandon - who is kind of just a shit-disturber anyway - decides, for some reason, to take the position that Cape Mario was better, arguing that the dive-bomb and gliding abilities make the Cape a superior power-up to the Leaf. I tried to explain to him that, in fact, the gliding is a broken feature that renders level design pointless, as you can simply "take off" and rock back and forth all the way to end of the level, effectively bypassing the whole level and defeating the entire point of why we play Mario games in the first place. And the dive-bomb? Please. Does anyone actually use that crappy feature? No, because they're too busy gliding like a frigging parachute to the end of the level. So what's the advantage of the cape again?

If looking like an idiot is an advantage, then THERE'S YOUR ADVANTAGE.

But I digress. Brandon and I are debating this point, when who should come up to our table but the Mighty Mog himself. Mog! I thought. If there is ANYONE who can bring sanity to this debate, it would be him.

"Mog! Mog! Can I ask you something?"

Mog Knows Spidey, and Therefore IS NEVER WRONG

"But of course, ask away."

"You've played Mario 3, right?"

(Mog nods affirmatively, as one eyebrow makes its ascent up his forehead.)

"And you've played Mario World, right?"

(Mogs nods again, slowly, waiting for the penny to drop.)

"So which is the superior Mario: Raccoon Mario, or Cape Mario?"

Mog considered the question for the briefest of moments - as if to ascertain why we'd even bothered to ask him such an obvious question - and then said, "Well, Raccoon Mario, of course."

Cue predictable n00b protest. Mog sat down, muttering to himself, "Well, I liked the Hammer Bros. suit too...." while the sputtering chorus of "But, but"s proceeded from the mouths of the officially PWNED.  The protest which was quickly quelled by a simple question: "You do know that Mario 3 is quite possibly the best game ever made, right?"

Right?

Torbox, have we not spilled enough digital ink on this senseless topic? Will you allow yourself to listen to reason? Or, if not reason, the wisdom of Mogensen? If you still remain unconvinced, here's my last offering to you. Gaze upon the history of Mario Games (shamelessly taken from this blog via a Google search), and study the power-up sets for Mario 3 vs. Mario World. You will see, someday, if you look with unclouded eyes, that Mario 3's power-ups are FAR superior to Mario World's power-ups. Once you realize that, I'm confident you'll also see that the Raccoon is also the Cape's superior.

The History of the Mario Power-Up

I wish you the best of luck in your journey towards this inexorable truth. Godspeed.

Also, Mainstream Films I Like (IMBC Fodder)

I like all kinds of mainstream films, but - to borrow a term from mainstream cinema - let's cut to the chase, shall we? There is only one name that matters in mainstream cinema:

                                           Will Smith

I Am Stylin'

If the world is on the brink of destruction by alien forces, or if a deadly virus has wiped out humanity, or if $100 million dollars in heroin is stolen from under the noses of the Miami police force and Martin Lawrence needs someone to watch his back while they go get it back, well, I can only think of one man for the job, and one man that'll do it IN STYLE.

Independence Day and MIB had it right. You want to beat back the alien scum? You get WILL SMITH to do it. Star Wars was good and everything, but no Will Smith as Luke Skywalker = FAIL. And if you're gonna be all like, "Well, Will Smith was 9 years old when Star Wars was released; not only was he too young, but he wasn't even famous then," I'm gonna have to ask you, straight up: DO you really think that's any kind of excuse?

I thoroughly enjoyed I Am Legend - saw it with Torbox around Christmas break. It's one the few movies I've seen where I thought, "Wow, that alternate ending probably was the way to go." I think you could make a similar case for 28 Days Later, an excellent maintsream film that also would have been improved with Will Smith's presence.

I think it's about time for homework now.

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